When Life Disappoints….

I have been disappointed a lot like everyone else in life but you can’t always let the bad over ride all the good in life. There are always things like obstacles being thrown in but if it wasn’t for those obstacles life would completely boring.

Today, I couldn’t help but think about Superman. I know that I am having second thoughts about going back with him and what I am actually feeling. I don’t know how I am suppose to move on when I don’t have my feelings straight anymore. I hate the fact that I have mix feelings for him now. Maybe its the fact that I don’t see him everyday on a regular than there is Phoenix who I talk to and would like to get to know more but not sure if I am on the same length wave as him. I feeling like I am holding back and don’t understand why. Maybe I don’t want to be with anyone. I know a lot of guys want to talk to me but I am not feeling any of them. They don’t make my heart skip a beat or excite me in anyway that I want to be with any of them. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t be bored of men or can I?

Possibly, I just am so freaking bored of them. They need something new or passion that all they want to do is fuck or bore me to death with there stalkish ways, needy crap or just plan stupidity. So what, I look like I know how to have sex but what makes men think that they can just say that and I would just be like “okay let’s fuck?”

Okay like the other day, I was in Lake Calhoun with some friends and this big black guy which I will call him Extra Desperate Poser. He was trying to be all over me and try (I do mean try) to spit some game that just made him put his own foot in his mouth or should I say ass? EDP was criticizing me how I raise my kids and about my religion/background. On all kinds of bullshit, most of it I just totally ignored him and zoned EDP out so much of it was muffled.

Never ever criticize me about how I raise my kids. Worry about the ones you don’t take care of your damn self. I never had there father helping me to raise them, so therefore I did a good ass job for being underage, pregnant and raising them on my own with no one. So before you open your mouth don’t tell me how to raise children since I have been raising children since I was 10 ( Nieces & Nephews Experiences). Especially if you don’t have none or they don’t live with you at all because of Baby Mama Drama. That’s your first mistake…by not patching that shit up.

What about those jerks that pay child support and figure that is enough to be a father. Well sorry to bust your bubble! But your a damn idiot. Being a father is so much more than a stupid pay check. So much more.

Damn, I sound kind of bitter there huh? Too funny. I am a straight forward person so if you don’t like my comments or opinions than I don’t know what to tell you, but oh, well!

I’m This Kind Of Girl…

 

• I'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you...
• I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive restaurant...
• I'm the girl who says,"Ok, but you owe me..." jokingly not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you...
• I'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will (or at least try to) have fun because it means I am spending time with you...
• I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms...
• I'm the girl who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me...
• I'm the girl who never gives up hope even when I tell others I have...
• I'm the girl who once I let you into my heart, there's always a place there with your name on it. And even if we spend time apart, I'm the girl who never forgets you.
• I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss...
• I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything...
• I'm the girl who laughs at your jokes...
• I'm the girl who will have many inside jokes with you and will remember each one...
• I'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends...
• I'm the girl who will listen to you talk...
• I'm the girl who really does want to be friends after a break up...
• I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason...
• I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the forehead…
• I'm the girl who loves you for you, and doesn't care what other people say about us...
• I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend...
• I'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word...
• I'm the girl who loves you to play with my hair

Now playing: Esa Nena By Yandel ft. Franco El Gorilla

Animal Instinct, I Think???

I was watching an episode of CSI: Las Vegas about a group of people who dress in animal suit and was actually weird out. I was not expecting that to even come up. What people are into now a days, hhmmm?

That Midnight Drunk Call!!!

You already know when you get one of those waking calls at midnight or 1 in the morning, it’s either because someone is in the hospital, you have a drunk ex-boyfriend or just a friend that is drunk and maybe desperate? Well, this one call was very unusual in it; that I was awaken and caught off guard a couple of times. Now, anyone that truly knows me, knows that I hardly get caught off guard. So let me get back to what happen yesterday. All day I was home chilling reading a book and watching TV. I really didn’t feeling like going anywhere but I was okay with that. I got numerous calls and there is always one that sticks out. I was half dreaming and half up in some twisted dream. So, when I got “the call” from Desperate I was kind of glad he called. I don’t normally talk to him much but when I do its always interesting conversation. Lana called earlier to warn me of the call but I didn’t pay much attention to it besides that call I didn’t get until much later. The conversation was extremely good at first until Desperate mentioned Superman. I am not too keen on the fact that he did mention him a couple of times but that I would be ask to do something that I may or may not regret later. I usually don’t just hook up with guy friends because it always go wrong. It just does. Someone always have there heart in it, and usually its not me. I have this big wall around my heart that only rare men get in like Superman, Panther, Buck and Black.

“What they all have in common besides me, is that being my boyfriend they knew they will be on the most bumpiest ride of their life that will make them either surrender their souls or hearts or both to me. They were okay with that because to love me, you have to be in it for the long haul. I don’t think every man is capable of doing that. When they don’t surrender, some just turn a little psycho and that’s not cool…” –Sex Kitten

Love With Yourself

Okay! I know the title seems weird but it is what it is! I haven’t been really excited in a very long time and I really was excited to hear that my favorite band is coming to Minneapolis. I can’t believe that Wisin & Yandel will be here. I am going and I am a little sad because Superman has to miss it but I promise to record it for him. I feel like all those emails and letters I wrote to Yandel has reached him and I’m thankful my prayers have been heard. I look so forward to seeing them. This is one concert I will not miss.

Besides that, I have been on my own without Superman. I know that I keep in close contact with him more than his own family but that's okay to me. I have been trying to be strong but I took a trip to Wisconsin just recently and I was taken back by the beautiful scenery and the people. I just met a new guy and I will call him Phoenix. He has been a total gentleman with me. Not trying to get into my pants or anything like that. Just fun! I actually thought something may be wrong but no it was that I expect guys to always behave like pigs but I may have scared him a little. I try my best not too be too clingy or to call all the time. I am actually not a phone person. I prefer emails, text or IMs to phone calls. My friend Natalie says that it maybe that I have social anxiety; something call agoraphobic. Well, I was researching that word and it was like déjà vu or something like that. It means a morbid fear of open spaces, people (Strangers), and other things. I don’t like to be in the public too much but I do my best by going with people I am close with or my dog, Cairo. I don’t like being caught in a public place with too many people (Strangers)  because I get some kind of anxiety and I freak out. Superman would always hold my hand to comfort me, touch me in public places to keep my mind off the people or just have a conversation with me when I rode the bus with him. Superman was trying to get me in the habit of being around people but I just can’t seem to do it. Now, Phoenix is totally different but he knows I like privacy and comfortable being in a quite place with no one around.

Now how all this is related is that I have a concert in the Target Center in Minneapolis and I know that thousands of people will be there. I have to figure out away to go without getting social anxiety. I really love Wisin & Yandel. I made it to a Ricky Martin, Matchbox Twenty and all of Rob Thomas concerts than I should be able to attend their concert. Maybe I will go with the kids or a friend. Stay tune…..

I got confidence, baby!!!

On a daily bases, everyone always ask me what’s behind my name “Sex Kitten”. Well for starters, no it doesn’t mean I love sex or that it’s even all about sex. Do anyone out there read Cosmopolitan? Well, its defined differently per person. As for me it stands for sex appeal and confidence. I have both and I know when to use it. Every lady knows that they must find there notch on how to bring confidence to themselves. For me, it’s always been music; especially the kind that is dance or rock with an attitude. I work hard to be confidence but I also be myself.  It’s all in your mind there is such thing as mind power. Just think confidence and what confidence means too you. Your clothes is always apart of that too. I am reserved dresser but I also know when to switch the heat on. If I am on a business meeting, I stay sexy but casual, or if I am going out with friends I go all the way casual with tee-shirt and jeans with flip flops. Now, on a date that’s very different. I get dress up but I also try to find out where. If it’s a surprise, just go with your instinct dress up but not too fancy. I love stiletto heels and boots. I learned a lot from my favorite magazine Cosmopolitan. I have been reading it for 20 plus years now. I love everything about the magazine, from fashion to the articles.

Tragic Love!!!

I have had relationships before, that were wrong for me and ones that I may have never recovered from but life is all about learning and how you plan on using that lesson in your relationships. I know now what I want in a man, how I want to be treated and the type of love I hunger for. I want to feel loved and I don’t believe a relationship is all about the sex. I think people need to grow up a little bit more and realize that being with someone is more than having sex. How do you connect on a intelligence level? How do you solve problems together? Do you talk about nothing or anything? Couples should feel connected with one another and have a sense of respect and love for one another. It cannot be a one way street. I am working on my Relationships Part 2. I should be posting it this week. Keep checking back.

"The course of true love never did run smooth." - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

Still Not Over You by Rob Thomas/Gravity by Sara Bareilles

        I just hate it when you miss some one so much. What I miss about Superman was that undying attention and love he gave me. I was everything to him and I never felt like that with anyone else. It wasn’t about the sex or the romance it was that he actually took care of me like no other man not even my ex-husbands or baby daddies. He wouldn’t let me do anything, he would clean up and cook, when I didn’t feel like it (that was rare) and he would always walk with me even to the corner and back to make sure I was okay; like a bodyguard.

        No, it was a pull of gravity to each others personality and soul. I can calm his temper and he can make me see reason or let me vent and actually left me alone to sort out my feelings. He never hover or brood me down. He let me own my actions and never scold me like a child when I was wrong. He always asked me why I did what I did. I just explained and no matter what my answer was he would defend me even when I was wrong and Superman would do it with such conviction and would lay his life for me (I have only met two men in my entire life that was like this). He would never let anyone disrespect me or put a hand on me. I miss his laughter, the way we always took walks with the dogs and how we cooked dinner. The way he washed my hair and brushed. I was so cherished and felt secure with Superman.

        

No one can replace the way he put me on a petal stall and actually cared for me. He made me feel safe and loved, like a porcelain doll. I don’t care who will read this anymore I want my feelings to be known and you don’t need to understand them. I feel like guys only want to get laid and I am not ready or even down with that bullshit.       

I keep his letters by my bed along with his picture and I know he will come back home when he his done with his business. I been living like there is nothing to loose and I am not over him and I can’t find a replacement. I know no one can replace someone else but I will pull myself together and I will run to him no matter what and I will breathe him into me. I will love him and he will know it. I will tell him everyday in a letter, phone call or even by the way I will kiss him. He will know and I will never look back no matter what anyone says anymore. I know now that I will never find a love like that anymore. So I will wait for him because he will be back in nine months. I will be strong for both of us, the kids and the dogs.

P.S. I love you, Superman and no matter what people say about you; I know its out of jealousy that they talk and not out of love for me or you. Remember that I love you unconditional bad boy side and your geeky side. XOXOXOXOX! And don’t you forget it!!!