Messy Life All Over Again!!

You know when you try to play by the book and you follow the rules but it never seems to satisfy no one at all. You run into this subconscious thing in your mind that blocks you from moving forward. I am so tired of re-evaluating everything that went wrong in a relationship except that all I came up with; was I didn’t do anything wrong. I till this day stand by that saying. Another divorce after 3 previous ones takes it toll sooner or later.  Divorce number 4 and I can’t help that I feel like I made the most horrible mistake of getting married to Phoenix, when it should have been Superman. I should of stood by his side thru is darkest days but it as hard to do that with his family being such A-holes all the time to me. Then I had my stupid cousin talking shit about me. That happens when you have family too much in your business. I learned that not having family is the only way to live now. Your own family wants something or another bad to happen to you or jealousy about stupid things. Then there is work. A new job with the most horrible boss and a co-worker who thinks she’s the shit. She didn’t want to show me how to do the job or when I was given a job to do she took away from me to do it herself. I am cool because I don’t need a job where a boss don’t have the balls to call you and speak to you or text you. Makes me think something is totally up. So I moved on as of today. Now I have to deal with Phoenix bullshit about me not having a job again. I am so tired of the bitching and complaining about me. PLEASE STOP BLAMING ME FOR YOUR SHORTCOMINGS!

Superman is out of jail and if and when I step back to MN, he better watch out because Kryptonite is coming!! I can’t help compare him to other guys because he taught me that if someone truly loves you they would spend as much time as they can with you and make time to play not only work. Being married and lonely after not even a year of marriage makes me believe you used me and made me believe you loved me when in reality you never loved me at all. You look into my eyes and lie to me with a straight face and all I can do is stand there. Not anymore. I will walk this time with my head up because I am SEX KITTEN!!!