Changes and more changes….

I usually don’t run from changes because there is nowhere to hide, but I feel like a change is coming and I have no control at all. I am having a hard time adjusting to my new life like I said before. I may have to just release these feelings and ride the wave; with a baby coming, teens acting up (actually 1 only), moving in with the baby’s dad, finishing up school and looking for a much better job to help around here, I seem to be losing myself somehow. I am truly overwhelmed with emotions. Doctor says its normal to feel irritated and moody but I can’t help think I’m moving way too fast and can’t find the break. Need to shut my eyes because I will still feel dizzy from the movement. Naturally, I am worried if I do it alone but I know I am not one bit. I am struggling to share my fears and feelings with Phoenix that I am pushing him away for no reason of his own. His giving me space but I need his love and understanding with some support but I can’t even communicate that with him. I am strong on the surface but not all the way through I need him more than ever but I don’t want to tell him. He tries to communicate with me but I am holding back and don’t know why. Maybe I am scared of being hurt again or losing him. I am trying to forget all the hurt I am hiding too well but can’t seem to let go. What could I possibly be so scared of? I don’t know maybe its just me and my insecurities. I will update you more later. I have to head to bed. I’m too tired now with the baby growing. I am 5 weeks and I pray to God that I am able to carry full term.

Love and Marriage: 6 Qualities Your Future Husband MUST Have From Glamour Magazine

Written by Meredith Bodgas

No matter what your guy’s personality is, there are certain characteristics he has to have if you’re destined for love and marriage. Check this checklist before you head to the altar.

 

Hubby Quality: He’s Honest
Even if he’s a car salesman (aka professional liar) by day, he has to speak the truth (the whole truth and nothing but the truth) with you. Sure, there are certain occasions that warrant white lies, like if he’s trying to surprise you with an engagement ring or protect your feelings (“No, I didn’t notice that zit”). At all other times, though, he has to be straight with you--and not keep secrets from you.

Hubby Quality: He’s Got Your Back
My relationship may not have made it to a wedding day if Paul didn’t stand up for me when his family gave me a hard time during our engagement. Yes, Paul calls me out on it when he thinks I’m doing something wrong, but he always hears me out, supports my (carefully thought-out) decisions, and sides with me when sides have to be taken. It’s a good feeling--and a key ingredient to a successful marriage.

Hubby Quality: He’s Fun
Whether your idea of a good time is parking yourself on the couch to watch reality TV or parking the car by a cliff to bungee jump, your future husband’s gotta bring it. This is the man you’re spending the rest of your life with; if you don’t enjoy being with him now while you’re young, how high-quality will your quality time be thirty years from now? Not every second will be bliss, unfortunately, but most moments with your man should make you happy.

Hubby Quality: He’s Willing to Work
Maybe you want to be the breadwinner. As they said in the 90s, “You go girl!” But in unsteady economies (like, uh, this one), you both have to be up for earning. A lazy-bones for a hubby can mean bad things for your checking account and the children you may decide to have.

Hubby Quality: He Uses His Words
Some guys have an easier time sharing their feelings than others. Regardless of where your man falls on the expressive spectrum, he better speak his messages--and not hit, kick, or punch them. I know you know this already, but I’ll remind you anyway: Violence has no place in love and marriage.

Hubby Quality: He Loves You Unconditionally
It’s cool if your guy was initially attracted to your pretty face or beautiful bod. But he has to love much more than that if he’s the man you marry. Looks fade over time--or can change in an instant. A shallow guy doesn’t make much of a husband.

What other qualities do you think a husband must have in order for love and marriage to work? Could you live without any of the above? How many of these qualities does your guy have?

Unexpected Life and Relationship

I know that I said that I was going to stay away from guys but I walked smack right into Phoenix again. We moved in together and planning on starting a family and everything, too. My kids like him and even Cairo loves him too. My dog is protective of me but he lets him near me. Funny, I think.

I had to change a lot of things like my lifestyle and friends but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss them or will completely stop talking to them. I am trying to get use to this new life which is so much better than before or Superman can ever give me and the kids.  It may be mean to say that because he tattooed my name on his arm really big. I do feel bad about that but I can’t really do nothing about that at all. It may be that this commitment came out of nowhere again. I just need to find the way I feel to keep me satisfy. There’s no complication, there’s no explanations, it’s just a groove in me. I just have to get use to this lifestyle all over again. Living with a guy is very different but I need to adjust to him and kind of miss my freedom a little. Will see how things go. Phoenix and I have been dating for over 5 months now. Part of that wasn’t even exclusive huh? Weird! More to come…