Changes and more changes….

I usually don’t run from changes because there is nowhere to hide, but I feel like a change is coming and I have no control at all. I am having a hard time adjusting to my new life like I said before. I may have to just release these feelings and ride the wave; with a baby coming, teens acting up (actually 1 only), moving in with the baby’s dad, finishing up school and looking for a much better job to help around here, I seem to be losing myself somehow. I am truly overwhelmed with emotions. Doctor says its normal to feel irritated and moody but I can’t help think I’m moving way too fast and can’t find the break. Need to shut my eyes because I will still feel dizzy from the movement. Naturally, I am worried if I do it alone but I know I am not one bit. I am struggling to share my fears and feelings with Phoenix that I am pushing him away for no reason of his own. His giving me space but I need his love and understanding with some support but I can’t even communicate that with him. I am strong on the surface but not all the way through I need him more than ever but I don’t want to tell him. He tries to communicate with me but I am holding back and don’t know why. Maybe I am scared of being hurt again or losing him. I am trying to forget all the hurt I am hiding too well but can’t seem to let go. What could I possibly be so scared of? I don’t know maybe its just me and my insecurities. I will update you more later. I have to head to bed. I’m too tired now with the baby growing. I am 5 weeks and I pray to God that I am able to carry full term.